Marriage Tribunal: 'Pick up the phone and dial'
Okay, now what? I have received a Decree of Nullity for my marriage so now what do I do?
For some, no new marriage is imminent; for others, the plans are already made for a wedding. Sometimes, the petitioner has already married outside the Catholic Church and wishes to validate the marriage in the Catholic Church.
There are many emotions and feelings connected with a divorce: feelings of absolute hatred, resentment, bitterness and wanting to 'get even'; feelings of betrayal, rejection, worthlessness, or hopelessness; feelings of sadness, depression, and even despair. What to do? What to do?
Quite often, we think we can handle everything by ourselves. Admit it, sometimes we need to bounce our thoughts and feelings off someone else. How else can we eliminate the bad/self-destructive feelings other than to pray to God for help and then find a counselor with whom to get that help. It doesn't mean you are crazy. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are stupid and can't handle your own problems; it means you are smart in realizing that you are not alone and you can overcome anything with God's help and with the help of a trained counselor.
Sometimes, when the Tribunal reviews a marriage case, it is noted that certain habits, attitudes, and/or role models and baggage from the homes of origin, interfered with the relationship of the two individuals from the very beginning preventing the partnership for the whole of life. In cases such as these, the Tribunal places a Monitum (recommendation) or Vetitum (prohibition) upon one or both of the parties in the marriage being reviewed. After a marriage case has received a declaration of nullity, the priest handling a second marriage or validation for these individuals must always check with the Tribunal requesting the nature of the recommendation or prohibition and then counseling can begin.
The whole idea is to help the individual come to terms as to the baggage and attitudes brought by them into the marriage and to why the marriage did not/could not become a partnership. Then the individual can (with counseling) deal with the problems and work toward understanding sacramental marriage.
It would be ideal if all petitioners and respondents of marriage cases brought before the Tribunal for review would automatically seek out a counselor in order to sort out the havoc the failed marriage has dealt the individual.
So, what is stopping them from seeking help? Money? If a leg or arm has been broken, one goes to the doctor/hospital. Pride? "Pride cometh before a fall." Stubborn-ness? Was this a problem in the relationship? Denial of personal fault? Was this a problem in the relationship?
So pick up the phone and dial--you are worth it.